So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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