you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
