Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize