I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
