If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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