mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
