So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize