So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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