I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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