...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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