so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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