The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize