so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
