I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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