Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
