we have pet lesbian snakes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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