just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
