I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
