I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
