as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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