I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
