i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
