when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
