I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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