She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize