I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
