my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
