3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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