so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
