It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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