Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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