Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
