The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
