She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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