I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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