After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
