That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
