Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
