she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
