Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
