I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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