In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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