How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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