Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
