i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
