i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize