This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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