I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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