i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
