stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
