I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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