the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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