I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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