I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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