We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
