dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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