hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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