so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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