i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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