Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
