More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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