You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
