It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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