last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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