i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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