My room smells like vodka and shame
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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