She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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