You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize