My nipple is on Facebook.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
