these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize