I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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