Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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