"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
