There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
