So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
