all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
