haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize