LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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