Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
