just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
