Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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