Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
