You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
