i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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