Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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