How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
