my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
