we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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