dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
