Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
