I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
