My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
