so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
