note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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