i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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