My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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