She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
pray to the hookup gods
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize