what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
